- bogusart answered: Both? Anything? I know it’s a different culture here but I’ve lived at this place for over a year and haven’t formally met my neigbours
Yeah believe me it’s not super common here, either. Other than coincidental times we’re in adjacent driveways we really only see our neighbors when kids are trick or treating or my daughters are selling Girl Scout cookies. Neither of which really involves introductions. There’s a lady who walks her dog a lot that I say hi to if I’m walking my 10 year old to and from school, and a lady next door that I’ve interacted with when my chickens end up in her yard (like, to get permission to go retrieve them). Other than that it’s been pretty limited. But that sucks! I hate this weird suburban mindset that everybody keeps to themselves. We’re all so isolated. I like this house way better than our last one, but we had real relationships with a lot of our neighbors on our last street, and that was really great. Kids to play with my kids, retired people who’d get my kids birthday presents and I helped when they needed 911, a woman with a full on menagerie she’d take them to tour. It wasn’t really close friends for me, but it was way better than it’s been since we moved in here.
I am definitely fantasizing about getting some ~*~amazing~*~ folks in this vacant house. That would be pretty epic.
Note: we live in a suburb, kinda triangulated between Miami, a big agricultural community, and the Florida Keys.
We’re getting some new neighbors, and that is really exciting because the house they’re moving into has been inhabited by some, uh, problematic peeps (kids that bullied my oldest son, rednecks who ACTUALLY POINTED AND LAUGHED and made bullshit comments about our manual mower and our Prius, fireworks in the power lines…etc). I want to take these newbies something, like how we took banana bread to everyone when we moved in. My friend Kristin knew she was moving into a great neighborhood when people brought them bottles of wine and baskets of baked goods and things, as they were unloading their moving truck.
But like…right now on my fb feed I’ve got recovering alcoholics, vegans, people with Celiac disease, diabetics, folks trying to lose weight. In my house there are three people with a serious corn allergy. I dunno. What do you think is optimal? Is what’s optimal not food/drink? Obviously I have to do more recon as all I’ve seen so far are contractors. I really kinda hate the idea of potential limitations making people feel like they should just not ever offer food to others :/ I mean, the fuck.
My daughter says we should take them eggs from our chickens since that’s like code for “We’re weirdos…are YOU ALSO weirdos (eyebrow wiggle)???” Maybe she’s right. I would really like some more ideas! What do you think?
Anonymous asked: You brought up the topic, and I noticed that you seemed to purposefully weave around the answer to that question when you responded to your notes. I wondered if you did that on purpose or not, and you answered that. If you don't want this kind of question, I'm sure you can guess what I'd recommend.
I didn’t “weave around” anything, I feel like I made it pretty obvious that if people live with me they hear me have sex sometimes, and that that’s something I think about and try to minimize but also wonder about, as far as what is natural, hurtful, uncomfortable, inescapable, etc. I can tell you’re very pleased with your super-sleuth skills re: shit I already made plain, myself.
I also have 700 million sex toys they could easily discover by digging through my or my husband’s closet. I’m not ashamed about any of this.
And as I tried to make clear in my previous answer, I really like the idea of engaging with people on this topic. But I just feel like “Next!” when I get “So do your kids have to hear you have sex regularly?” That’s accusatory, unhelpful, and from an anon no less (meaning, no way to reply privately and get into a deeper discussion, no previously held esteem for the person asking that might cause me to assume good intentions).
If you had said, “I heard my parents have sex, and I felt ______,” or, “we’ve had great luck keeping ours from hearing us by ______” or even “do you worry that ______” or “How is your house set up, because _____” - any of those would be questions I’d enjoy engaging with.
I actually think this is an under-discussed topic in general, and I wish it was talked about more. I mean, people GET KIDS by doin’ it, and the kids then live in your space for the next 18+ years. Everybody agrees healthy marriages enjoy healthy sex lives. I am sure I’m not the only person trying to wade through the ethics and the awkwardness as they become more cognizant. I imagine it’s even more complicated for the many parents out there who are dating and/or remarrying. I mean them hearing you is obviously not the desired outcome, but it gets to a point where they know what a locked door or a “you guys leave us alone for awhile” or whatever means either way. Which can be weird! It can be weird for us to lock both doors (bedroom and bathroom you walk through to get to our bedroom) and turn up some music, because then the little ones want to know what’s happening and the big ones roll their eyes and act clueless, respectively. I know someone who told me it would “never have occurred to her” to have sex while her kids were home and awake. And I get that attitude. But it sure as hell does occur to me. My husband and I basically only SEE each other on the weekends, and in the middle of the night one of them is climbing in our freakin’ bed half the time, so…
WITH ALL THAT IN MIND: If anyone has experiences or opinions on this topic, tell me! I will try to put together a post about it soon. I would really rather have some deeper thoughts than “no, just no” or “ain’t nothin wrong with that,” if people are up to it.