soo.. some of us would really like to read your books, now! any idea of a launch date yet?
Ooooh I want you to be able to!!!! Memo is illustrating as fast as he can, I got a finished one yesterday in my email that made me GIDDY. As soon as he’s done with all of them the children’s book will be available for publishing on demand through Amazon.
I’m about to solicit an editor for my short stories because I’m increasingly realizing I just don’t have time to do it properly myself, and that’s all I need to make them available for e-readers.
The surgery book will probably not be done until sometime next year, and I want an agent for that if at all possible (and I think it will be).
Will you please post pictures of yourself as a kid/teen?
If you have facebook, can you see these? They’re my mothers, I don’t know what her privacy settings are but she recently posted tons of stuff: http://www.facebook.com/#!/media/set/?set=a.129631390383566.25063.100000101165216
Ananda has stolen the one ring out of our Lord of the Rings monopoly and is wearing it on a chain around her neck. And Aaron is obsessed with YouTube. ASDF, Tobuscus, Annoying Orange, anything science related.
“Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.
Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.
She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.
Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.
It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.
She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.
Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.
If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.
You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.
You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.
Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.
People tend to see me (online) as a real overachieving busy hectic person, but really, this is a pretty good summary of how I come off in person most of the time:
Grant jokes all the time about how in his opening scene, the Dude is basically me - he’s walking through the grocery store in dark sunglasses, a bathrobe and slippers, and pays for his carton of creamer with a check for .37 cents or something like that. People assume I’m stoned far too often considering I’m never actually stoned. I guess it could be called a “Key West attitude” (which is funny, because most Key West natives are, well, usually stoned :p)
I also curse unconsciously and constantly IRL, and I like hanging out with what I’ll call “big personalities”:
Best comeback ever, in regular use around my house:
Sometimes, I think graffitti is really amazing. It’s mind-blowing the things people DO, think of, I mean….
And the things they think to do it on….
When I was in NYC last summer, I saw things like this, and was so confused about how in the world anyone managed to do this without risking their lives. I mean it’s in places that narrow to one lane, too…do people just think it’s worth it to risk their lives? What about the tall spots?!
My favorite graffitti is the kind that improves the landscape.
And/or bends your brain in a way that really works with existing architecture. Or, “architecture”, in this case.
There is real talent at work, here.
It’s interesting to me, the psychology of how even sanctioned, “allowed” graffitti seems so counter cultural and edgy, and how crappy graffitti can make a whole area look downright post-apocalyptic. I love it, even when it makes me nervous about my general physical safety.
When did you have the sex talk with your kids? Have you supplemented with any good books or literature that you can recommend?
It’s really an ongoing thing. I first talked to Ananda and Aaron about it in depth when I was pregnant with Jake, because they asked the typical how did the baby get in there questions, which would have made them 4 and 5. We just talked, matter of fact style about the mechanics and some of my personal beliefs about it and they changed the subject pretty quickly and it didn’t come up again for a long time.
Since we’ve lived in this house, I guess about two years ago (so when they were 7/8 and 8/9), I got them both the Usborne “What’s Happening to Me?” for boys and for girls, respectively…and that was before I started selling Usborne (which I don’t anymore) - I just think they’re the best. I read through them cover to cover with the kid in question, first, stopping to talk about certain things, and then relinquished them for independent at will reading.
Before Annie started her period I got her a big Glad Rags kit and a First Moon book for when she did. I know a lot of people would find that super cringe worthy but she really liked both. I have Toni Weschler’s “Smart Teen Guide’s To Understanding the Mysteries of her Body”, it’s like the kids’ version of Taking Charge of Your Fertility, as well as Body Drama, both of which I’ll probably give to her next year when she turns 12 (they’re still a little ahead of where she’s at, but I think they’re both really good books…)
It just goes on and on though…I mean I wrote about how I explained how the IUD insertion went and showed her that silly SNL video last week but yesterday I was explaining yearly pap smears and STD testing to her (both totally new and rather intimidating subjects she’s glad she won’t have to worry about for a long time), with some of my and my sister’s experiences thrown in and humor because, really, my gyn had ADVERTISEMENTS on the STIRRUPS THEMSELVES last time I was there…
Aaron has come to me in a panic about how he doesn’t want his body to change and we talked it out…I don’t know. I think it happens sort of organically if you’re open and natural about it. We’ve talked about girl puberty because he gets so upset about ways Ananda acts that he doesn’t understand.
Isaac has been very uninterested in sex, he’s mostly asked questions like “Can a man marry a man?” and “Is it true that it’s weird for me to tell Adam I love him because Aawon says it’s weiwd!” So make of that what you will. He has a vague passing knowledge of how sex makes women pregnant based on transient questions that have yet to turn into a real conversation. He’s very giggly about all of it in a way A and A never were.
Jake is about at the same place. Elise just knows private parts are private but that Mommy and Daddy can see each other naked and that little kids/parents can see each other and that she used to be in my belly.
“It seems to me now that the plain state of being human is dramatic enough for anyone; you don’t need to be a heroin addict or a performance poet to experience extremity. You just have to love someone.”—Nick Hornby. (via cuntbarf)
What was the reason for/story of your first c-section? Did you try/want a VBAC with Aaron, Isaac or Jake?
This is some LONG ASS STORY answer dude. I’ve written about all of it many a time. I don’t see myself being willing to write it out again this week, I just have too much going on. I definitely tried REALLY FUCKING HARD to have a vbac with Jake after being denied out of hand with Aaron and turned down by everyone in the tri-county area with Isaac. I’ll make an entry about “birth history overview” sometime soon.
My first c-section was total bullshit, I was a teenager with Medicaid seeing an OB with a 70% primary c-section rate (did not know this at the time) who scheduled me for an induction ON my due date (in an uncomplicated first pregnancy!). I was too stupid not to think that was cool. Failure to progress was called after like FOUR HOURS on a pitocin drip waiting for “something to happen”.
Elise is the only medically necessary c-section I have had.
You don't really believe that Ananda isn't gay just because she has a crush on a boy, do you? Not that I believe she definitely is... Out of your kids I see a much stronger gay vibe from Isaac anyway.
Speaking of gay peeps, I was browsing some of your old entries and I came across one where you basically said you believed only people who were abused/neglected were gay. do you still think that? why did you think it then?
I answered that person with a “maybe so” to be vague because, no, I don’t believe that, though I also don’t think she definitely is. Last year we cleaned their room as a surprise while she was at a sleepover and I found a page she’d written extensively about being in love with a(nother) boy, and it was VERY out of left field for me - I had had no idea that she wrote on her own without my prompting, or that she had ever noticed a boy, OR that she had secrets. The whole experience made me realize there is a lot to Ananda I don’t know and the depth to which she is guarded, uncommunicative with me about anything of depth, and her own person in general.
We’ve definitely had those thoughts about Isaac many a time.
I don’t know exactly what you’re referencing but it probably had to do with how pretty much every gay peer I was exposed to as a teen/young adult was from a very dysfunctional and abusive situation, and all of them were drug users who never had a steady relationship. I hope I didn’t say that I thought that meant all gay people were “That way” as I don’t (and didn’t) have those beliefs; however, I did use to have a suspicion that some gay people might have been “partially influenced” by sexual abuse and/or dysfunctional parent situations. I still think that’s possible (plenty of all types of sexuality fall in this category) but it’s not really something I think about or see as a factor of significance anymore…EVERYONE I hung out with as a teen/young adult barring like, one person, was from an extremely dysfunctional situation that involved some abuse and went on to do lots of drugs and not have a steady relationship, so, uh, DUH that is irrelevant ;) I know plenty of people are just plain born gay, lots of abused people are straight, blah blah blah.
I had a bit of a hard time a couple of years back with reconciling my faith with all the gay people I care about, especially in light of considering one or more of my own kids could turn out gay and come to me with questions, for guidance, regarding “our” faith. I still struggle with all of this sometimes but for the most part I just really see ANYTHING “wrong” with homosexuality as a small issue according to a single religion and think society as a whole needs to get over it.